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2003-04-03 Free-falling I've been experiencing some mood swings lately, and I wasn't entirely sure why. No, wait, I thought I knew why, but now I think that I was wrong. I was thinking it had to do with lack of sleep and stress thanks to the billions of papers that have been piling up. While these two elements probably factored in, I don't think that they're the big reason behind my sudden shifts from relative contentment to utter frustration when something rather small doesn't work the way I want it to. See, I handed in my last research paper today. My last one. Sure, I have a geography assignment due next week, a paper so to speak as a take-home exam later on, plus catching up on reading and studying for exams, but the research papers? Done. Thus, I should've been overjoyed, I should've risen to a level where nothing irritating could touch me. When I got home today, I tried to go online, but one of my free internet services (Netzero) wouldn't work for me. I tried on my dad's internet service, and it wouldn't work. I gave up, ready to yank the mouse out of the computer tower and smash it against a wall (why the mouse? well, 'cause my hand was on it). Then it was supper time. We were having these really good veal patties with Sidekick noodles and veggies. I usually really enjoy this supper, but not tonight. For some odd reason (like the planets weren't aligned?), the meat wasn't cooked enough. So i cut it up into smaller pieces, popped it into the microwave and started heating. I tried a couple of times, but it still looked pink, and the microwave was drying it out. So I gave up on that, ate my noodles and veggies and sulked (as it turns out, I eventually gave in and bought some McDonald's). So, the internet fiasco pissed me off way more than it should have, and the food issue made me want to crawl into a vat of self-pity. While I guess I can be as melodramatic as the next person, this was a little too extreme. The problem? I'm free-falling. In a little over a week, classes will be over. In 4 weeks, school as a whole, exams and all, will be over. Don't get me wrong - this is a source of relief. I've been in school non-stop since I was 5 1/2, and I'm ready for a change in scenery. I just don't know what that scenery will be. Not only do I not have a job lined up, or a few possibilities at least, I don't even know where to look. I don't know what I want in a job, what sort of work I want to do (aside from writing - we're talking about regular pay here). I was thinking about trying for a job in an advertising/marketing/pr firm that's hiring people with no experience - paid training provided. It includes traveling around Canada, as well as to the US, UK and France. They do advertising for spas and salons, which might mean that on said business trips, I'd be checking out these places, maybe even being pampered all on the company's bill (I don't have facts about that last one, I'm just speculating). It pays $10-15 an hour. It sounds like it could be fun and fulfilling. There's only one catch. It might mean a lot of hours. It's not that I'm lazy, but I want to have enough time (and energy) to write in the evening. A lot of these "professional" jobs, like advertising, however, tend to involve very long hours as you work on projects and ad campaigns. I realize that maybe I should just go check it out. But I don't know if I'm cut out for it. I don't know if I'm the type of person to deliver presentations - which make me go weak in the knees and not in that good way. I might be creative when it comes to fictional writing, but I don't know if I'm creative in a marketing kind of way. Maybe I just want to be that type of person. Then there's the whole thing about whether I'd enjoy being "on the go" all the time. Do I want a job where I'm moving from place to place, or do I just want a job where I sit at a desk? I don't know. I don't know what I want, and that's a problem. I keep telling myself that the job doesn't have to be permanent. I can try it out and if I don't like it, I can find something else. But I want to be settled. I want a job I enjoy pretty well, that allows me enough time to write. I want to get an apartment of my own, and decorate it in a way that somehow, in some little way defines me, or at least includes some aspects of who I am. I want to join a martial arts class to go to a couple of times a week so that I can get in shape, among other things. I want to get more involved in Wicca. I want to see what that type of life is like, the life of a career woman or at the very least, a woman with a decent job. I think that the problem is that I'm always looking to the future, and never to the present. I rarely enjoy the moment for what it is; I'm always wondering what's going to happen next. What I'm going to do next. Whenever I've graduated from school, I've always been going onto the next stage in the academic world. Now that's come to an end and I have to go into a whole transition. Maybe I need to go to a Placement Agency. Maybe it'd help me to figure out what I'd like to do. Or, maybe I just need to go to bed and get some sleep. 'Night. |
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