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2003-04-11 Nostalgic and Frustrated I wanted to write this entry last night, but alas, a geography assignment had to be finished. Why am I nostalgic, you ask? Well, because school is ending, and while I could go back later on, it'll only be to get a certificate in something practical. The whole nostalgia came as quite a shock to me. I honestly didn't expect to feel anything but relief. There is that, too, but yesterday I felt so sad all of a sudden. The catalyst was Gert's, the university pub. I've spent 4 years there, going two to three times a week on my break, hanging out with friends, drinking coffee (and the occasional beer), smoking cigarettes, playing a few games of pool. There's a guy who has worked there during that whole time, Jeff, who's mentally ill (is that pc?) and is part of a working program. He cleans the tables, but most of the time he sits with people who've been nice to him. He has a bit of a speech impediment, so that he pronounces my name, "Nanana" (rather than Amanda). It was a normal question for him to ask me if I was going to be there on my next usual day (Tuesdays and Thursdays). It broke my heart yesterday when he asked if I'd be there on Tuesday. I told him no, and then he said, "Thursday?" "No, Jeff. Classes have ended". I tried to explain to him that I wouldn't be around much now, but he couldn't understand, and then got distracted and forgot all about it. Then, leaving Gert's. Jeff had already gone, but for this whole semester, I've been sitting with Adam and his friends; I don't know any of them well enough to have ever exchanged numbers, but it was still sad to go. I don't even think it was so much leaving them, since I've only been hanging out with them for a semester; it was more about leaving the place. Then I go to my Theories of Religion class. I can't say I'll miss the class itself, with it's late schedule, boring material (for the most part), and the professor that I'm not too fond of. But I'm going to miss the people in that class. It was in seminar format, so it was relatively small, and we all sort of got familiar to each other. Leaving that class was hard too. So, the point of this story is that I'm a sentimental fool. Today was better, because I didn't know anyone in my geography class, and I was more than ready to say goodbye to the class itself, and as for work I'll be there for another few weeks at least. But when the time comes for me to say goodbye to my coworkers I've worked with for almost 2 years, I'm terrified that I'm going to break down and cry. Now. As for the frustration. That has to do with that proofreading job I applied to. Maybe I jinxed myself by writing about it here and telling so many people about how wonderful it sounds. But in any case, I haven't heard from them. The day or so after I emailed my cv, I got an automatic email that said they'd received my application but if I didn't hear from them in a couple of days, then I should assume that my skills didn't meet their needs. It's been a week since I sent it. Fucking hell. I'm convinced that it's the 4+ years of proofreading experience that's hurting me. Apparently they don't consider 6 years of proofreading papers for college and university to be adequate. Apparently they don't believe that there are people out there who've read so much that they have developed the ability to pick out errors on their own. And it's this stupid vicious circle everyone talks about: I need experience to get a job; but I need a job to get experience. It's so damn stupid. I mean, can't I at least have an interview? All I'm asking for is a fighting chance. Everytime I check my email and I see I have a few new ones, I get all excited, hoping that one of them will be from the company. An interview isn't too much to ask for, is it? It'd take, what, an hour of their time? Sigh. So, I'm still job-hunting, and once again, I'm finding little that sounds appealing (the few I do find appealing require experience and/or a special degree). Anyway, I suppose I should start on my studying for the geography exam that's on Wednesday. I'm hoping to get enough done this weekend that I can go to a semi-formal "ball" hosted by Religious Studies (open bar!!) on Monday evening.
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