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2004-08-26 For Those Considering Close Online Friendships... I write this for you. I'd like to begin by making it very clear that online friendships can and most often are fine. There are some people whose journals I read whom I've never met and yet consider them a friend/acquaintance. And, come to think of it, these sorts of things can happen in so-called "traditional" friendships. It's only that most of the time, when such problems occur, it's one friend saying to the other that he/she doesn't call enough. It all, really, has to do with expectations. Maybe some of you will think that I shouldn't post this here, that I should just communicate with the person in question, but honestly, that one-on-one thing doesn't seem to have worked in the past. A couple of years ago, I "met" M, a guy who found my journal because of our common interest in the tv show, BtVS. It started off fine, an email here and there, mostly me recapping the previous week's episode if he'd missed it. Fast-forward a month or two, and I start thinking that I'm infatuated... with a guy who lives in the goddamn midwest. So by this time, we're emailing every day - and often, several times per day. Allow me to qualify this: a) I was infatuated, and let's face it, those we like in that romantic kind of way will generally get more emails than those we're totally platonic with; b) My job at the School of Architecture was occasionally hectic, but in the summer, hardly at all so I had PLENTY of time to be typing emails. To be honest, I'm not sure how we got through the autumn without any snarkiness, as I had returned to school. Maybe I emailed him more. Maybe M changed. In any case, right after Xmas, M flew up to Canada to visit me. He stayed at a hotel (I went home every night, thank you very much), and I went by every morning to show him around, hang out, etc. etc. Well, it was the weirdest thing. I knew pretty well what he looked like (from pictures), and we had once had some serious connection over the reliable ol' internet, but when he was here, there was nothing. He was nice, I enjoyed his company, but I saw him more as a friend than anything else. So he goes home. Some time passes, things seem okay. I'm back in school and working part-time, and understandably, my free time is very short (and sometimes non-existant). My emails slip from their daily-ness. M then sends me a snarky email, basically saying he's very hurt and upset that I didn't email him. Do I even care? FUCKing hell. Give me a goddamn break. I fire off an equally-snarky email, M asks for forgiveness, and I, being the stupid little waif I sometimes become, say "OK!" Repeat this process a few more times, with me promising myself on the last occasion that if it ever happened again, I'd cut off all communication with him. And it did. Last weekend. Another snarky email. I replied this time with my anger, he came back with "oh you misunderstood me again!" but this time, I replied saying I'd have to think about whether I wanted to continue the friendship. I haven't responded yet. Maybe this will serve as one, since he has the url for my journal. And honestly? I don't know if I will. He always claimed I had no obligation to write to him everyday, and yet, when a couple of days pass by and he happens to be having a bad day, he comes along and bitches at me! Hello! I don't need that shit! I wasn't a regular reader of his journal, but lately I've been reading it (why yes, because I wanted to know if I was being bad-mouthed! why do you ask?) and he's changed. Or maybe how much of himself he puts in there has changed. Hell if I know. All I do know is that he's complaining about EVERYONE and how disappointed he is with them, and how he does everything for other people and they do nothing for him, and I sit here and wonder: No WONDER no one's talking to you! Get off your high fucking horse and get a reality check - some people have busy lives. You shouldn't *give* to people if the only reason you're doing so is so that you can get something in return. It'll only lead to disappointment. It's hard for me to hold a grudge. It takes a lot of work, in fact. But maybe it's not holding a grudge if you just... don't speak to someone anymore. |
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