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2003-12-03 Unemployed And so, it happened. Yesterday I was laid off because of all the shit that's going on at the company (see previous entries for full story). This week, the company decided to pull out of a major contract, which means it'll probably lead to a long, drawn-out and messy legal battle. They told me at 4pm that yesterday would be my last day. Sigh. I'm not mad at them - I mean, yes, they made some really stupid mistakes and bad decisions, but shit happens, and they had to cut costs, which is what I represented. They didn't want to see me go since I'm a good worker, and apparently a huge improvement over the girl I replaced. Surprisingly, I'm not totally bummed out by the whole thing. Yes, it sucks, and yes it means I'm back to that horrible "between-jobs" place, but I already have the placement agency looking for me, and I'm looking myself, so that's good. I'm even considering calling up a language center that advertised in the paper because they need english teachers. As long as I don't have to fly off to Korea or Japan, then maybe I'll try it out. I never really wanted to be a teacher, but I might as well see what it's like. Maybe the schedule will be somewhat flexible and I'll actually get more work done on my writing. As for what they'll end up paying... well, that's a totally different story. * Remember awhile back, when I mentioned about my "impossible crush"? Yeah, that one on the minister. And then remember how I came back and said that I'd totally overreacted, and while he was good-looking and nice and intelligent and funny, that I wasn't really attracted to him but just the idea of someone who's "forbidden"? Uh-huh. Well, I've been thinking about him quite a bit lately. I'm not quite sure why or what prompted it. I haven't seen him in ages (maybe that's the reason?), but there it is. Thankfully, I'm not freaking out about it this time. There have been other men I've met and been friends with, men I've been attracted to but figured it was too complicated even from the start, and I never acted on my emotions. The thought of them kissing and touching me may drive me wild, but I've always held back and kept a check on the feelings. Maybe it's unhealthy, but I figure so would actually going after that person. You have to take the lesser of two evils, right? I think a big culprit in this whole thing is the fact that Christmas is approaching. Christmas means a lot of things to me, most of them good (and none of them having to do with Jesus), but it also means a huge reminder that once again I won't have that extra magic in the holidays, the magic brought about by sharing it with a "significant other", sitting in front of a fireplace and drinking wine while being all snug and warm and loved and touched. It's not as if I don't have family to spend the holidays with - I have my mom and dad, my nanny, my sister, George, and Hayley, and I love each and every one of them, and I've always considered family-time to be the best part of Christmas. But can you blame me for wanting that little bit extra? The man with his arms around me, nuzzling my neck, making me feel safe and special and alive? It's just been so damn long since I felt that way, and so I suppose my mind (and heart) turn to the closest person (not necessarily in physical proximity, but in my mind), and that person just happens to be the forbidden minister. Ah, well, it'll pass, I'm sure. I'm going up north this weekend, so maybe I'll drop by and chat with him for awhile. I figure it'll either make everything worse, or it'll make everything better, but it's better than sitting at home and imagining a gazillion different "naughty" thoughts about the guy, heh. ;) |
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