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2004-07-26 Waiting on a Better Life Yes, I know - I should be working. But I was making sales calls, which means I have to transfer my phone to another guy in the office. As he is in a meeting with our shop manager, I have to wait to do more calls. Thus, I figured I'd do an update since I believe it has been a little while. Lately I've been feeling... well, a bit disatisfied with the direction my life is going in. I'm not quite sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. The thought of doing this job, or one very similar to it, for the rest of my life makes me very uneasy. I know it could definitely be worse. My mother has a worse job, telemarketing, which she has to do since she doesn't speak any french. I suppose I just feel like there's no purpose in this. I get up, come to work, make some sales calls, occasionally arrange for some transport, send some brochures, answer the phone, and so on and so forth. But other than - hopefully - making us money, it doesn't do anything. It doesn't make the world a better place. I realize I must sound like a huge romantic, like a young girl who's just learned about some of the evils in the world and believes she can 'really make a difference' and rise up victorious against these horrible things. Some people do these things, of course, but very few. But why can't it be me? So that's what I've been thinking about. My first love as far as a career is concerned is writing, but as I've said so many times you must all be sick of hearing it, there is no guarantee with writing. Even if I get one manuscript published, that doesn't mean I will be successful and can make writing my day job. And if it doesn't happen, I'd like to have a back-up plan. I'd like to work for a place that makes a difference, however big or small, in the world. Hence my dream of working for the UN (sadly, there are no UN jobs, ever in Montreal). Or Missing Children's Network. Last week I saw a commercial for Habitat for Humanity and checked their website. No openings in Montreal, and I saw that it's a by-and-large Christian organization which expects its employees to spread Christian values - I'm not sure how much they'd like having a non-Christian working with them. I feel this need to do some good in the world, to give back, to be able to go home at night and REALLY feel good about myself. I just don't know how to do it. I know I don't need to be in such a rush. I tend to act as though I must make a decision NOW, as if I think that if I don't, the chance will pass me by and I'll be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life. But no opportunity has actually presented itself. If one did, I just hope I'd have the sense to recognize it for what it is and take it, even if it means me having to move away. I've always been that way, though, needing to find my place in the world right away, not wanting to flounder uncertainly. I've always been so terribly future-oriented that I miss all the goodness of the present. That's something I need to change. But hey - if you know of some organization needing some help, then don't hesitate to let me know. |
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