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2003-08-25 Worthless I'm feeling pretty worthless today. I waited all morning for that phone to ring with good news about that job I went for at the C.A. firm. Finally, at 2pm, I called the woman who interviewed me and she said that they'd filled the position. Apparently it's because they found someone with perfect French, both spoken and written. I can speak French, and write to a certain extent, but the latter is far from perfect. So, basically, it was decided AGAIN that I wasn't good enough. People have told me that having a university degree does mean something. Well, I hate to inform you but unless you study something very specific and want to enter a very specific field, an Arts university degree isn't worth shit. Neither is part-time experience in an office - they want full-time experience. The fact that you've been studying for 4 years and that's why you don't have loads of experience? That's your problem. This is the present way of the working world. I want to give up. To run away, to climb into bed and pull the covers up over my head and say 'screw it' to everything, but if I do that, I definitely won't get a job. And yet, I've spent this entire summer looking and still haven't found anything, so it's really starting to look like an exercise in futility. It doesn't help that I'm sort of limited to looking in Montreal. It's not that I don't want to leave, because I do. But unfortunately, over the years, my parents have really grown to depend on me to do this and that, and they wouldn't be like other parents who'd understand that you have to go where the jobs are. If I could just leave this fucking province, the mere fact that I can speak French, even with an English accent, would be enough. Not here. And besides - even if I could just up and leave, I can't afford to travel to a bunch of places looking for work. I really need money. I have that ever-present Visa bill hanging over my head. There's a baby shower I'm invited to in a couple of weeks that I have to buy a gift for. Hayley's birthday is coming up on September 20th (yes, Sherry, I know you wrote on the invitation that presents aren't required, just presence, but she's my niece). I'm sick of crying about jobs I got rejected from. I'm sick of feeling like a big worthless piece of crap. I'm sick of having to stay home doing shit all every night because I can't afford to do anything. I'm sick of having to scramble for cash to buy a few necessary items at the freakin' Dollarama. I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to end up working in telemarketing. I don't want to admit that it will likely become necessary very soon. Some have said that I could do it for a few months, save my money, quit, and look again, but honestly, what good is that going to do? I already have telemarketing experience. It won't help me to get a job doing office work. Fuck. |
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